You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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