college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
