bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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