Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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