I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
