Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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