Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
