Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just want to make out with him forever
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
