Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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