So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize