man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
