it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
