When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
