tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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