I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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