don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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