hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
