11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
