If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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