Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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