you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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