stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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