that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
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there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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