I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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