Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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