i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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