i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
my liver is dry heaving
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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