last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
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