so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
