I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize