ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
