weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
