may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
