you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
