I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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