By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
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i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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