he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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