i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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