its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
