i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
