A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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