my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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