awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
