i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
