dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
