You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
