Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
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He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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