Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
you never un-have a 4some
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize