I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
