porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
