your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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