just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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