U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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