i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
