she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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