Someone shit on the floor
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
