So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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