i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
