just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
