Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
