don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
