At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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