Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
