ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
