i would punch a child for taco bell
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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