Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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