just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Church boner. Awkwardddd
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
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Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
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Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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