I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
this just has baby written all over it
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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