My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
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Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
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smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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