apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
