I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
