Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
