Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
